TO ALL THE SURVIVORS AND INCREDIBLY STRONG PEOPLE

Today I write to everyone that lives in a toxic environment, to everyone that is broken inside, to everyone that doesn’t know where to go, to everyone that puts on a smile but cry inside. Today i write to those that got sexually abused by someone they know, by a stranger or someone that’s closest to you.
I write to you to tell you that you’re strong. I write to you to tell you that you can break out of this. I write to you to tell you that it’s hard to heal and get yourself back. I write to you to tell you to say NO to stop it, to remind yourself of what you want and who you want to be.
Today I write to you because I’ve been there, because I’ve been through that all. I’ve experienced all of it. Every single thing.
I lived through abusive parents, I lived through being not heard, not being able to speak up, being manipulated by my parents, being mentally fucked up by the ones closest to you that you’re supposed to trust. I lived through the abuse and the sexual assault of a stranger. And I finally was able to realize I had to get out. I finally was able to open my eyes. I saw what’s wrong, I saw how I was manipulated, I saw!
And I decided I had to leave.
It’s not easy to leave, I overthought it a million times, I doubted myself again and again. I thought I wasn’t worth it, I thought I wasn’t strong enough, I thought without my parents I’m nothing. They doubted me, they tried to tell me no, they tried and tried and then I got my flight information. And that was it
That was my ticket to freedom and I took it.
It made me feel free, it made me feel empowered, it made me feel strong, it made me feel independent, it made me feel my own person for the first time in my life at age 19.
At age 19 for the first time in my life I thought I had my own life in my hands. I had all the cards in my hands and I felt overwhelmed.

Being finally free, being finally feeling empowered, finally feeling like your own person for the first time in your life is something scary. It’s scary and overwhelms you. I didn’t know what to do. The only thing I knew was I would never go back.
And the last night in my childhood bed I made a mental note that I will never go back, no matter what. I gave myself a promise that once in America i would either stay there or not survive. And I was fine with that. I was free and I my decision was set. There was no going back because going back was going back to being abused and not heard.

I left and I cried. I cried and cried until there were no tears anymore. But after the crying I felt better. I had a new life that was up to me. I had all the choices in the world. I be and do whatever I wanted.
And when I found my fiancé it opened my eyes even more. I realized all the shit that was wrong back home. I realized how manipulated I was, how I was not allowed to think of speak, how I was put in a cage and told what to do or be punished.

It opened my eyes and I saw myself for the first time in a different light. I saw myself as an empowered and strong woman. Someone that got you broken down to the last piece, someone that was suppressed, someone that had no mind. And finally someone that had no voice!
But I picked up the pieces, I found my strength, I found my voice and I found myself.

Today I’m a woman that knows what she wants, a woman that knows what she believes in, a woman that figured out herself what’s right or wrong. Today I’m a strong and empowered woman.
And that’s what I want to share, that’s what I want to tell other girls, boys, woman and man.

I want to tell you that you are strong, you are worth it, you are important, you do matter, you are someone worth living and you are someone that deserve a voice you just have to find it.

The process is hard. It will hurt. It won’t be easy and it will take time. You will have to take all the broken pieces and put them back together. You will have to find your voice and shout out loud that you deserve to be heard. You will learn that your body is not ugly that you’re not worthless but that you’re worth every single bit and that you’re beautiful. You’ll have to learn that you’re beautiful inside and out, that you’re worthy of love, that you’re someone that only deserves the best in life, that you only deserve a partner that appreciates you for who YOU are, who won’t judge you for being broken, that you’re someone that still figures out how to heal and someone who won’t judge you when you wake up ay night screaming because you had nightmares of flashbacks but rather calms you down and comfort you in those hard time. You deserve someone that will accept your bad days and your good ones, that will be okay when you need space that will comfort you when you’re crying and will take care of things when you can’t.

Getting out of a bad, horrible and broken environment is never easy but let me tell you, you CAN DO IT. You’re on this earth for a reason and that reason is not to be mentally and physically abused and tortured. You’re here to do good things, to speak up, to do good, to be an empowered person. You’re here to have a voice and use it to speak the truth and call out wrong things. You’re here to be the best version of yourself you can be.
They will try to stop you, they will try to silence you and break you apart again, they will try to bend and shape you.
But you have to remember you’re not alone, we’re all broken somehow but we’re strong, we’re here and if you reach out there will always be someone that will help and support you. No matter who you reach out to, if it’s your best friend, a therapist or someone that went through the same thing like me. You will get help and together you’ll get through it. And if for whatever reasons decide to reach out to me, I will give everything I have to help you break free and become the person you want to be. Because I know how hard it is and you can’t do it alone
So to everyone that is stuck, reach out and say NO
You are worth it! 

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