How do we get through challenging times, times that are rough on your mental health, times where you’re completely broken down?
It’s one thing I ask myself every single day. How do I cope with it, recently I asked myself that a lot, and I try to come up with answers. But to be honest I tried all sorts of different things and some of them failed and some worked.
But even though it gets easier, I still struggle. Sometimes it’s a constant reminder and sometimes I completely forget. So how did I deal with it?
First of all traumatic experiences, trying to move on from childhood abuse and a life time of bullying from everyone around me is a never ending story that I will always be a work in progress. And as hard as that is, i have to accept that. It won’t go away, i will never forget and i will always have to work on it.
I’m not trying to give advice, I’m just telling my experience of finding my way to the right choice.
In the very beginning I was oblivious to everything that I was going through until I met my fiancé. Of course we talked about it, as we got to know each other and he opened my eyes. We talked, about self awareness, being mindful, telling me that it was never my fault, showing me how real families work and making me realize that i should never blame myself for what happened. It wasn’t and isn’t my fault and I should not be ashamed about it, that I’m perfectly fine the way I am and that I should never be quiet again and speak up.
It definitely helped to a point where I got mindful enough to see the bullshit and the wrongdoings and the abuse.
Then when when we came back home to Germany, I thought I should try therapy. I started talking to a complete stranger about my thoughts, my problems, what I had to go through, how I should cope with it, what i should do about this and that.
But it felt odd to me, strange and uncomfortable. How could I talk to a stranger that didn’t know me about my most intimate and hidden experiences. Things that I never even had the chance to talk about with my parents. It didn’t feel right and i just couldn’t get myself to fully open up to her. It wasn’t her fault, it just wasn’t right for me.
So I thought maybe I need a different therapist. Maybe find the ONE. The one that doesn’t have that judgmental look whenever I would talk about things that hurt. Maybe I just never to find the right one I could trust and feel comfortable enough sharing everything with. But I didn’t do it. I couldn’t bring myself to start looking for someone new, that I had to get to know again, where I had to start all over again.
So I did the only thing that seemed logical to me. I got myself a new psychiatrist, one that didn’t know my parents, and started all over there. And truth be told it was the best decision ever. She doesn’t ask me if I want to do therapy again, she doesn’t ask unnecessary questions. Of course in the beginning i told her about it, but I also told her I don’t want another person telling me what to do or how to cope with it or how to do it. And she accepted that and I’m grateful that she does it that way. She just gives me the medicine I need and that’s it and we both trust each other that I manage.
So after all this I thought about it and realized that someone I had to work on it more, but not with a new therapist, not with my parents, not with some stranger but with my fiancé. And I found my own way of coping. He’s the one I talk to and when we talk, I talk a lot. It’s not all the time and not about the same thing always but when I start it’s a never ending story that goes on for hours and hours. And it helps. It helps to get whatever I struggle with at the moment, or whatever else is on my mind. And he listens, he just listens, to me talking, to me crying, to be being irrational, to me freaking out, to me not being able to let go of something. Because he understands. He has his own issues, his own struggles, his own bag of stuff he needs to talk about sometimes. He doesn’t judge, he doesn’t try and give me advice that I know won’t help, he just listens to me. And that, after a long and hard journey of figuring out, is exactly what I need. He helps me cope, he helps me be rational, see things from a different perspective. He taught me to finally accept myself, to love and cherish the person I am. He helped me realize that who I am is good, who I am is nothing to be ashamed about, who I am is someone that’s been through shit but came out stronger in the end. He helped me see the strong, independent woman I am today. I’m not afraid anymore, I speak up, I know what’s right and wrong and I know what I want. And he helped me get there. No one can take my voice, I won’t be quiet anymore. I’m loud and I’ll speak up because I’m ME.
This might not be anyone else’s choice or option but it’s mine and I wouldn’t change a thing. And for everyone that is still struggling and trying to fight their own battle, I’m right with you. But one thing we all have to remember is that we’re strong. Whatever helps you, to make it better, makes it bearable, makes it less painful, go for it. Do it and stick with it, even if it takes forever and sometimes seems like it will never get better.
But one day you’ll wake up and it won’t be hurting so much anymore. It will always be a part of you, something that you can’t forget, no matter how hard you try but that’s okay. Because it will always be a reminder of how hard you had you worked for it, what you had to go through and it will always be a reminder of how good it feels to break out and be yourself, however much you had to get through and invest to get there. You finally have your voice, an opinion, your own values, you know what’s right or wrong and no one will ever be able to take that away from you again. They won’t be able to shut you down because you are strong enough to stand up for what you believe in and be loud. It will annoy others, they will try to control you again and they will fight against you being strong and your own person. But in the end it won’t change anything, because you are YOU, you are STRONG, you do MATTER, and you have a VOICE.
And when that day will finally come you will realize that all the work and pain and struggle and problems and all the shit you had to carry with you and always will, all those hard times, you finally overcame them and you will realize how special and wonderful and gifted and worth everything anyone ever said you’re not.
So I will end this, speaking to everyone. that’s in the shit and can’t get out. Everyone that feels like that they’re not worth it anymore. You ARE worth it, you MATTER and you are IMPORTANT Don’t give up, talk to someone, figure out a way to find your TRUE SELF and you will get there. We are all strong and just have to be remember it. We are all worth it no matter what happened. We are all special in our own way and that’s good.
We are all human, we all make mistakes and we all deserve kindness and forgiveness. And as hard as it is, even those that did the worst to us, deserve forgiveness. You might not agree on that but maybe one day you will think about all you’ve done and how far you’re come and will be able to forgive them. Not forgive and forget and be happy with that person again but forgive them for yourself. Forgive them for how they treated you, forgive them for who they are and forgive them for your own peace of mind. They don’t have to know, you don’t have to tell them but forgive them in your head and in your heart and accept that some people are the way they are and that you are the way you are, let their burdens and problems be forgiven and focus on your life and where you want to go.
Because you’re the only one that limits what you think you can do. Don’t let the sky be the limit, your mind has no limits and what you believe you will be able be to achieve because you have no limits no one can stop you, you’re unstoppable