When you’re trying to deal with issues and problems that you’re facing, you’re obviously having a lot on your plate. Therefore it’s quiet easy for others to try and manipulate you and try and confuse you. Trying to find ones tru self is a very sensitive stage in the process of coping, and it makes you extremely vulnerable for all those people to mess with you again. One thing I learned and experienced was, that a lot of people tried to tell me how I should be, they tried to mess with my already low self confidence to tell me otherwise and what I should be like.

And that I find one thing was very hard to not fall for and stay strong. But you have to, you have to trust in your instincts and not listen. You’re trying to build yourself up from scratch basically. So I found some strategies that helped me not fall for it and be stronger then them.

1. I wrote down who I wanted to be. 

When I first started to actually think about who I wanted to be, I started to wrote it down. I wrote specifically what I wanted to achieve, what I wanted to believe in and who I not wanted to become. And I kept it. I read it over and over again, to try and remind myself of those things.

2. I wrote post it notes and put them everywhere 

I wrote notes of encouragement, that I can do this, that I have the strength, that I’m worth it, that I will not give up, that I’m powerful, that they can’t beat me. And small reminders of my goals. I wrote what I believe in, what i want to achieve, specific goals I had for myself, small reminders of personality traits that I wanted to remind myself of not giving up and not staying strong on. Just tiny things to remind myself that I got this, that all the work isn’t for nothing and it will pay of. And i put them everywhere! Next to my bed, in the bathroom, next to the door on my way out, in my wallet, just basically everywhere where I could constantly see it, and be reminded of it.

3. While being in a situation that might be one of those, asking myself questions about it!

I got into situations, where I could’ve easily be manipulated or been vulnerable a lot. With everyone and then some people I didn’t even expect it off. So I started to ask myself questions. Every time someone said something I want sure what to make out of, i asked myself “is this what I believe in?” “Is this what I want to stand for?” “Is this who i want to be!” And while asking myself that, more and more it got easier to see the games, and I was more and more able to stay true to myself and what I am standing for. It took a while, I’m not going to lie. In the beginning it was hard to detect and I fell for quiet a few people, but the more I worked on it, the better I got. I made fewer and fewer mistakes and I got more and more aware and stronger to fight back. This definitely helped me the most to be honest. And was one of the most important things I did to get myself to where I wanted to be.

4. I believed in myself!

It was something I definitely had to do for myself. I never believed in myself ever before, and when I finally started to realize I had to it changed a lot of things for me. Believing in yourself is super hard to begin with if you’ve never done that, but it’s a game changer. When I finally was strong enough to believe in myself and stood up for that, I felt empowered, I felt strong, ready to take on the world and scream out loud “here I am, come and try me! I’m believe in myself, I’m stronger then your games. You can’t get me!” It made such a huge difference and I’m so glad I was strong enough to do that. And to anyone out there, that is doubting themselves if they’re even able to believe in oneself, YOU FREAKING CAN! YOU’RE STRONGER THEN THEM! AND YOU CAN BELIEVE IN YOURSELF! 

So these are the things I tried to do, to make myself less vulnerable, and yes I failed. Multiple times over and over again! But all you can do is try, and when I tried hard and long enough you can get there.

There will always be people that will try and do that to you, try and manipulate you and mess with your head. But with enough practice and some confidence in yourself will help and you’ll get there.

I believe in that, because deep deep down in you there’s a fighter that wants to come out and fight with you! You got this, whoever you are reading this, you’re a fighter. Just like me and everyone else that had to go through that!


Lately I’ve been thinking a lot of first impressions. First impressions are a daily thing. Everywhere at any time you make a first impression. Whether it’s at a job interview, or just on the street walking.

So whether or not you like it, it’s inevitable and a constant in everyone’s daily life. But the thing with that is, that most of the time, we don’t think about it. It doesn’t even cross our minds what the first impression, the first thought, the first look at someone is.

But for someone that struggles with anxiety, it’s a bigger deal then we might think. For someone that struggles with anxiety, a first impression is a constant reminder of how do I look, how do act, and most importantly, what does the other person think of me. It’s a tough thing to even think about some days.

The reason why I’m writing about this, is because in 4 weeks I have to attend a very important family event. And even though it’s 4 weeks away, I already think about it. I think about what I should wear, should I wear the very expensive and formal dress that i already own, or should I buy a newer and better one. Do the shoes that I have match the dress, do I need better ones. Will what I already own leave a good impression on other people? Will it be enough? I also think about, if the way I am is good enough? Should I act differently, change the way I talk, smile, act? Or is it enough to make others think that I’m enough, that I’m a nice and kind person.

The event is 4 weeks away and I can’t stop thinking if I will be at the top of my game and leave the perfect first impression.I know it’s ridiculous, I know it’s nothing I should worry about, I know that I’m enough!

But for people like me, with social anxiety, it’s an actual real problem. It’s a constant struggle, and it’s a constant reminder that you’re different, that you have a non fixable situation.

Yes it’s a struggle, yes it’s something you always will have to work on, but it’s also nothing that should hold you back. It’s nothing you can’t work on, it’s nothing that has to control you.

So every day when I experience that, I have to remind myself, I cannot let it go too far, I cannot let it control me. I have to fight it, I have to be stronger.I have to remind myself that I’m good enough, that I can’t control what others think about me. I’m good, and how I am, will be enough.


Finding yourself after going through experiences most don’t go through is something harder then I ever expected. It’s like you just have to complete redefine who you are, what you like, what you don’t like, what you want to do. And the constant pressure of doing that as fast as possible is real. But it takes time. Figuring out who you are is the real fucking deal and for me, I’m still in the process. I’m still trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. I still don’t know if I want to life here or there or if I want to go to university in this country or another. But that’s okay and that’s what I have to accept too. I like to have everything being taken care of instantly but it doesn’t work that way. So it’s okay taking time with everything, realizing what you want to do. But that’s the beauty of life. There are so many options for every single one of us. And we can choose whatever we want. And if it takes one two or three years that that’s cool. No pressure. Just take it at your own pace and don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise, because we just overcame that.

I came back almost 3 years ago. It took me one year to get over my parents and another one to just be and life at peace. So now I can finally think about what I want to do. And I have plans. It’s not like I just want to end up at the grocery store for the rest of my life. For now it’s perfectly fine for a while but I want to study. I want to travel and do all the things ’normal’ people do. So I set myself goals. This year I’ll finally start university. I’ll start applying wherever I want to and then figure out where to go. And after that who knows. Nothing is set in stone and I don’t care. Because change is the only constant in life and that’s good.